61. Chemo Resurrection

Fred was a friend of the family, or to be more precise, a friend of my husband.  I knew very little about him: that he liked to be around people and always travelled in company; that he liked to tease me (goodnaturedly), and that there were some unflattering rumors circulating about him.  I paid little attention.  I had just started taking classes at university toward an Education degree and my plate was full.

Then one day we found out that Fred was in hospital with cancer.  The prognosis was not good.  So on a Sunday afternoon a group of us decided to pay him a visit.  I tagged along because I needed a break from my studies.  We all piled into the small hospital room much to Fred's delight and said things like: "When you get out of here Fred, we are going to ..."  But we knew that this was a lie, that he would not make it out alive.  At one point during the visit, the group decided to go find a cup of coffee in the cafeteria.  I stayed behind.  I didn't know what to say to him, but he started the conversation himself.  "Irm, I have been a bad person."  I thought: "OMG!! This man wants to confess!!"  I shot up out of my chair and headed for the door.  I said:  "Wait a minute Fred.  I will try and find the pastor for you."  But he replied wearily: "No, don't bother.  Just sit down."  I obliged and he continued: " I don't think God will let me into Heaven", part question, part statement.  All I could think of muttering was: "I don't think God thinks like people do, Fred."  Awkward silence.  I was very relieved when the group returned! 

As expected, Fred passed away soon after.  And after his funeral, a couple of church ladies came to me and said: "Irm, Fred's child is having a birthday coming up and we would like you to host it at your place."  I had all kinds of excuses: I am busy with my studies and exams coming up; I am not good at hosting; I don't have a bond with the child,...  But they insisted and I gave in, reluctantly.  The event went off reasonably well.

Now if you dream in your sleep you will know what I am talking about:  some dreams are forgotten as soon as you open your eyelids and then there are some that are so vivid that you can almost touch them.  This was such a dream the night right after the birthday party.

I was standing in Fred's farm yard,  not exactly a cheerful looking place.  But the one thing in it that always struck me as being hopeful, was Fred's child's metal swing.  In my dream I was walking toward this swing.  A figure sat on the seat.  As I came closer, the figure was getting up and I realized it was Fred.  But it was not the Fred I knew; it was a better version of Fred: standing tall and proud in a suit, hair combed, smooth skin.  But it was Fred all right, no mistake about it!  The man took one or two steps toward me and then stopped.  I said: "Fred!  Are you all right?"  He did not answer but gave me a great beaming smile, turned around and slowly disappeared out of view.  It was then that I woke up.

Chemo treatment week nr 11 is coming up and I need bloodwork done tomorrow.  We will need to find a lab that is open on Easter Monday.  I am still working on info about breast health.  I am not ready yet to post this.  But I have a couple of posts lined up for next week, depending on whether or not I can use my hands after treatment.  Have a Happy Easter everyone!  It is also Passover and Ramadan.  I have adopted a new motto: SanTay!  from the French Sante (to your health!) for me it means both physical and mental health.  So: SanTay Everyone!